The decline in manners and the increase of too much information and the public airing of dirty laundry

Recently I began to remember my grandparents and how my grandmother used to excuse herself that she needed to “make a call,” every so often.  I then learned from my mother that this was her way of excusing herself to use the bathroom.

There were other terms used to excuse herself due to female issues, such as “I have a visitor.”

The reason for this way of speaking was manners and etiquette. 

I used to hear people quoting the saying, “manners maketh man,” and remember such things in comparison to now.

Indeed, saying of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him states that, “I have not been sent except to perfect good manners,”

Manners are the way a person behaves towards the people around them and looks out for their comfort and wellbeing.

Well mannered people usually put other peoples well being before their own.

I hope they do not become extinct any time soon.

It has never been considered polite to make mention of body parts, bodily issues or references to the lavatory or what is related to such things.

Some people may be uncomfortable with direct mentions of such things or may feel disgusted and so politeness and etiquette asks us not to mention these things directly but in allusion to them.

In fact, the Quran uses a similar method when mentioning sensitive or private issues.  

We are told that “When you have been in contact with women,” or  “when you have touched women,” rather than elaborating clearly and directly.

The term “relieving oneself,” is far more respectful than the clear and direct way of speaking that many people nowadays use.

It is a shame that in our “tell it all, tell it like it is without any shame or hang ups,” culture, people have no sensitivity or consideration that people may not want so much information about what happened to them in the bathroom, why their stomach is rumbling or what they did with their husband.

The lack of awareness and the idea that we should just say things like they are without shame can make other people feel very uncomfortable.

It also makes those who speak and present things in such a manner appear to be lowly, uneducated, cheap and not respectable people.

In reality, it seems to be an insult to human intelligence that we must see pictures of people on the toilet, in the shower, in their underwear with examples of body parts together with the picture in advertisements or when teaching something.

In the past people would find intelligent and creative ways of letting people know what they meant without pictures or elaboration.

Were they more intelligent back then? 

When people’s parents train their children when small there is no need for adverts to show us how to use toilet paper and so forth.

In Arabic, there is actually a word for people who speak about private or embarrassing matters in a very direct way and it is “mutafahish’ or ‘fahisha.”

It may not be a sin exactly, but it is not a good or nice or recommended way of speaking.

Whereas some people may intend to benefit others with information about how to deal with a particular issue or solve a problem on sites such as YouTube, I was shocked to come across women sitting and telling the whole world about how to deal with some issue related to female private parts.

What is worse is when we have men, and especially male politicians discussing female anatomical parts.

Many women do not feel comfortable with such discussions or talks and unfortunately are not considered when people decide to discuss such matters that really do not need discussion.

Some of the pictures and subject matter that seems to appear in the media and YouTube should be x-rated and considered near to pornography.  It is not suitable for people of any age or background in my opinion.

Maybe I am a prude.

Another issue is the amount of swearing and profanity that people use nowadays.

I think in the past people would be shocked if a person expressed themselves using profanity and swearing.

People who do so are usually thought to be rude, disrespectful and from a low and uneducated level in society.

Those with class, manners and etiquette would not be using swear words.

However, now we find all kinds of people swearing and using bad language all over the place and in normal everyday situations.

When we go to read a novel our enjoyment is cut short often due to too much details about body parts, what happened in the bathroom, bedroom or after eating a certain spicy curry and then the unnecessary use of profanity.

Even on YouTube and social media, which is public for all the world to see for all age groups and backgrounds we have people talking about a very normal unrelated subject but they end up resorting to profanity.

Yet one has to ask why they need to do so and have they really taken into account if their audience minds or not?

Although I do not really like to judge others on such things it appears to me that people who resort to such things are reducing themselves to a low level of society.  They are not respectable or admirable people.

Could they not have found a better, more creative and respectable way of expressing themselves?

Some people collect quotes from great leaders, politicians and professors who in just a few sentences create a legacy for people to look up to and follow.  

If they left a string of swear words no one would remember them except as a lowly person nor would they be greatly impressed.

The other way the “let it all out,” and “let the world know all your secrets and private issues,” culture is breaking with traditional taboos on etiquette and politeness is the impressive use of talk shows, hanging out your dirty laundry for all to see and increasing problems with family members and others by bringing private disagreements and misunderstandings into the media and on television rather than addressing problems privately together in the home.

Not only is this rude and disrespectful towards family members but a lot of such stories are not things that the world really needs or wants to know about.

Not everyone wants to hear parents being run down or women complaining about their husbands to friends.

Such things should be kept private and sorted out within the home.

In Islam, it is not allowed for a man to disclose private information about his wife and family outside the home and neither is it for a woman to do so.

When people cannot reconcile their differences together in the house alone they may bring a person from the man’s family and a person from the woman’s to help reconciliation if possible.

Nowadays we also have people writing books running down their parents and family and saying what a terrible life they had.

This may be just their perception and ignorance that actually most peoples lives are not perfect and there is no perfect childhood.

They earn money from their negative stories and slandering others.

What is worse is when people come from royalty and privileged backgrounds doing it.

Then there are the chat shows, Oprah Winfrey and so forth where they complain about going through hard times.

We even have the rich going on to complain that they are not rich enough.

Sometimes it is something someone said to them that makes them upset and need to rant to the whole world.

Again, this reflects a lowly, not respectable personality and they make themselves appear cheap in selling a negative slander story. 

 I personally do not like to read books and stories that contain too much information about how supposedly bad someone’s childhood was.  Especially if their parents are not able to defend themselves and put their own case forward.

It is another case of too much information, lack of depth and insight into what people really want to read and what will benefit them.

If writers had learned general manners and actually considered their audience when writing a book they may perceive that a lot of what they wrote is actually personal to them and does not give the reader benefit.

Not only will they not benefit from stories of slander but they may not enjoy reading the book and gain a negative perception of the author.

Why would the author write such a thing? Does not running down ones parents in the public media make them a lowly person?

Therefore, as a saying of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him states, a believer should either speak good or be silent.

It is also said that what we say can be for us or against us.

There really is an issue with too much irrelevant – and even damaging information at the current time and people just letting everything out without hindrance.

The whole concept of less is more should be the motto for people in the media and dealing with the public.

It would do them better to keep stories of their past, their problems and issues with in-laws and others to themselves.

Maybe just trying to be nice and respect the people who follow and read about you by not going into information about your life that has no benefit, that offends or harms someone would be good.

If we return to the manners we once learned from our older generations perhaps we could return some of the humanity and respectability to many areas of societies.