Why we don't always get what we want in life

 Why we don't always what we want in life.

In general the above Quranic verse is saying that when we find ourselves in a bad condition and are unhappy we should look at our selves and our own behaviour.

At times we may be in poverty, misery and have various misfortunes and sources of misery.

Things just don't seem to go the way we want.

If we look at our selves and change ourselves from doing the wrong and bad things to good and proper ways of behaving we can often correct our life as a whole.

This is the general meaning: that we should look at ourselves, our intentions and behaviour and attitudes to change our lives.

We can find similar ideas in psychology and in various forms of therapy.

Our ideas, attitudes and behaviours when negative can affect us negatively.

There are people complaining that their life is not as they wish it to be.


Not everything goes the way they wish or plan.


This leaves some to wonder, are they under a spell? Did someone wish for them harm?


Are we destined to live a life we are not happy with?


So what is the reason?  


Recently a woman told me that she really wanted to get married.


She said that she prayed and made dua a lot and asked Allah for a husband.


However, whenever any man came to propose she did not accept.


She said that she loved one man.


But the man she loved also came to propose to her but she had an argument with him and told me they don't talk since then.


She said she got angry and said bad things to him, and he refused to talk to her.


 So I told her it would be better if she said sorry but she refused.


She said he should apologise.


Yet she complained that she really wanted to get married and kept supplicating for that and complained that her prayer was not answered.


However, it seems as an outsider that her prayers were being answered.


She was receiving proposals for the marriage she wanted and the man she loved even came to her.


I could see that in the end she had some problems she had to deal with before she could really get married.


Perhaps she had some ego or pride that prevented her from accepting what she really wanted and asked for.


She just thought that the problem was outside herself.


I took this as a sign that sometimes we can hinder things from coming to us.


Or sometimes we need to listen to what the world or people are trying to tell us.


In this woman's case, the person she wanted to marry said he would do so - if she fixed herself.


Since she did not try to change herself, the situation stayed the same.


Some people blame God in such circumstances and say He did not answer our prayers or help us, or we have a bad destiny.


Yet unfortunately, when we are not a suitable match to something maybe God will not unite us with it because He knows we will not do justice to it.


If this woman married this man without changing, will she be a good wife to him?


Maybe she loves him, but she might not make him happy if she insists on fighting about everything every time.


Of course God would choose something that is suitable for both people, not only one.


Some people pray to become a doctor. However, do they really want to treat and cure people or do they want status?


Maybe if they had the opportunity to study medicine, they would not learn properly and do more harm than good.  


Perhaps their skills and abilities are better suited elsewhere.


When people apply for a job that has a lot of money, they may be looking at the money that they can earn rather than the work that needs to be put in.


In the end, they may not be able to carry out the work well enough or not enjoy it.


They may then loose their job and get a bad reference.


Therefore, we may not get what we want not necessarily because we are bad but because we are not really ready or suitable for the thing we want.


If we really want something or we want to change our life, we often have to change ourselves.


We can listen to what the world is trying to tell about ourselves and the people around us.


I have sometimes found that when I make prayer for a particular thing. I don't always get the answer I want.


Sometimes the answer comes from advice from people about what I need to change.


I have since realised that we should be suitable for something if we really want to be blessed with it.


When we see a lot of the successful people in their lives and fields they were often able to adapt to knew situations and conditions.


It is even said that to be successful we should get things done in the right way and at the right time.


In essence it seems that to get what you really want you should follow the above:


1) Having the correct intention.


There are some theories that claim that the law of attraction will bring you what you want. They say sincerely and truly wanting something and imagining it will bring it to you.


Maybe it is wishful thinking somehow, but there is no real doubt that having a sincere intention is the foundation to getting what you want in life.


Being sincere means truly wanting something, and knowing about something correctly so that you know how you would be with it.


Doing justice to something and being the best you can be with the people - and things around us is part of being sincere.


We are encouraged to choose things, whether life partners, work, study or so forth that we truly want so that we can do it justice and be good to that thing.


On the other hand, when we know we will not be for a job well, it is better to decline than carrying out damage.


2). Knowing and being yourself. I have heard many times that being yourself and knowing who you are, can hep you make better and more suitable decisions in life and also attract those things which are in accordance with which we are.

In fact, sometimes when we behave in a way not in accordance with ourselves we may attract the wrong things and people into our lives.

Therefore, people who complain that their life is not according to how they are, should try to adjust themselves to be their authentic self in order to bring what is suitable to their nature.


3). Patience. Since often things that we want take time. We must study to get a good job, pass exams and so forth.


In work we need to get used to the type of work first.


When dealing with people it can take time to develop understanding, trust and a deep connection.

We should be able to be patient with the process to reach an objective.

4).  Assuming the best and optimism.

When we believe that we can truly do something or gain something, we are more likely to work towards it.

We are less likely to give up.

We are also more likely to behave in a way that brings what we want to us and less likely to behave in a self sabotaging way.

5).  Reflection and calling oneself to account.

Looking at why things don't happen and why our prayers for something may help to rectify the situation.

We may be doing something that prevents us from achieving our goals.

We may not yet be ready for what we are hoping for.

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