Do we choose a life partner or are they chosen for us?

Do we choose a life partner or is that something predestined for us? This was the topic of the conversation I had with an acquaintance today. She seemed convinced that we have no choice in who ends up as our life partner. This is because she says she sees young women marry men who they do not choose or whom they are forced to marry by families. Also because a woman may want to marry one man and ends up marrying another man. Some women like herself want to marry and pray and ask a lot. Yet other women are not actually interested but have a man come to their home and engage them. She says it seems like no one has a choice in the manner. Yet, do we agree with this idea?

It seems to me that people are choosing to marry, or not, each and every day. Men propose to women and they accept sometimes and refuse other times. Women marry men who they want sometimes, and sometimes they choose to agree to a marriage that they don't really want. From the religious perspective, as I told my companion, it is not allowed for a man (father ) to force his daughter into marriage. According to Islam every one should be free to choose their husband or wife. Therefore, there is no compulsion or force. However, not everyone gets to marry who they want. We may choose someone and they don't choose us. Maybe they choose someone else, for various reasons. Sometimes problems happen or families do not accept. However, even then there is still a choice. Some people marry despite their family disagreeing. There are people who emigrate or elope to marry or be with the person they really want. Sometimes people find hardships in a relationship but this does not automatically mean it is not meant to be. I remember Zainub the daughter of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and how she waited for her husband to become Muslim. It took twenty years before they were re-United. There are many stories of people who have waited a long time and endured many things to be with who they really want. So after all of this I think it is fair to say we do have a choice in the matter. We can choose who we want. We can choose to wait. We can choose our actions. But we cannot choose the outcome. In fact, after twenty years when Zainub may God be pleased with her was 're United with her husband she passed away. He cried a lot. Therefore, some things in the end were never meant to be or will not be there always. Therefore, we may do what we can in this life but the end result is not always as we expect.

I guess from the above I have to the conclusion that we can choose who to be with. If not why would we advised to choose a suitable and good person? However, if we are created by Allah then Allah created out thoughts and actions. He knows what we want. What we will choose. He knows what we will do. Also, since there are millions and billions of people in the world, who is it that made us meet and know one another? We could have met many of the other people in the world. Therefore, there seem to be some issues involved that we cannot choose (where we are born, the people we meet, the language we speak etc). There are other factors we do choose (how to treat people, who we accept as a friend or more than that, the places we go and what we do and say to peoole). Our choices probably are more important in the long term than the factors we have no control in. Therefore, I think that marriage and relationships are something we choose and are more than just destiny. It would be interesting to hear what other people have to say and how they chose their life partners. Or if they felt that they were compelled...